GENRE STORIES

TECH: Hi @apple? I saw a creepy viral video last week and now a ghost girl crawled out my phone. She’s only 6 inches high and very sad, help

PROG ROCK: The album went gold. Carl Sagan brought acid to the party. Next morning the record was gone, and Voyager 1 was heading to Saturn.

SOCIAL MEDIA: Tell me a more annoying structure for a tweet. I’ll wait.

MYTH: Narcissus stared at his reflection until he drowned. Not because he loved himself, but because he couldn’t stop obsessing over a zit.

BUSINESS: He gave up music when he became a secretary, but held on to some of his old stage swagger. Putting the punk into punctuality.

CONSPIRACY: “Weave the tapestry of deception. Smother the Facebook posts of all who defy us,” intoned the dark cultists of Snopes.

HISTORICAL: Genghis Khan surveyed his army. It spread to the horizon. “I shall paint the world red,” he said. "Damn I’m adulting hard."

CYBERPUNK: “No one holds me back! I can do it and I WILL do it! Yeah! Woo!” said Google’s new car, being maybe a little too self-driven.

LINGUISTICS: To dogs, the phrase “The carrot and the stick” has the exact opposite meaning.

WAR: “No Guts, No Glory” was the motto of the regiment. They were strangely proud of having neither guts nor glory.