BIOPUNK: Decades ago, our brains were infected by a linguistic virus. Now dormant, it can be reactivated by the phrase “Dashing and Daring…”

AFFABLE RAP INTERVIEW: "Please. My FATHER is Mr. T. Call me Ice."

ROMANCE: They swapped love notes after church. He thought their love was pure. But when she wrote "XXX" she wasn't referring to kisses.

FABLE: The violinist won the contest, and the devil gave him a golden fiddle. Which is a euphemism for a sex act, because, y’know, the devil.

MEDICAL: The surgery left her hollow and oval. She should never have asked the plastic surgeon to give her a ball-park figure.

MATHS: Facebook Minus Twitter Minus Instagram Plus Your Boss Equals LinkedIn.

MEDICAL: "Look over here. Tell me what you see.” She points at a picture of a half-full glass. Never get your eyes checked by an optimist.

BIBLICAL: The Meek Shall Inherit The Earth, But Won’t Cause A Fuss When The Brash Contest The Will.

PLATITUDE: A poor carpenter blames his tools. A rich carpenter blames excessive taxation and regulation in the carpentry industry.

SCI-FI: In the future, tech will be gesture-based. You’ll play music, change channels, and mail your parents, every time a wasp flies in.

FANTASY: Torod-Mur owed fealty to Omon during the Western War. Look, if you’re having trouble following this, imagine I’m having sex on HBO.