SEQUEL: After the loss of the 2nd Death Star, the Empire wrote patriotic country songs and made everyone take off their shoes at spaceports.

CRIME: He thought days were going faster because he was getting older. After his death, police discovered cut brake cables in his calendar.

SCI-FI: The Nostalgia Gun made people look back longingly, and think how much better life had been before they were shot through the lungs.

YA PUBLISHING MEMO: 1) Relaunch old movie franchise. 2) Try to recreate Twilight craze in new demographic. 3) Avoid title "Blackula High".

FILM: Hollywood grittily reboots itself into Detroit.

ADVICE: Follow your dreams. Eat broken glass and go to school naked.

CRIME: The boss accidentally told his thugs to make the cop "swim with the dolphins." The cop came back spiritually healed and, like, shwaa.

ART HISTORY: As leader of the impressionists, Claude Monet was always being told to "do Arnold Schwarzenegger, then".

SPY: The cryptologists spent years trying to decode enemy messages, until they took peyote and realised that the hidden meaning… was love.

WORLD'S WORST JOKE: The taxidermist wanted to create a shell-less tortoise, and he made no bones about it.